I was diagnosed with depression when I was around 16. For the longest time, I’ve suffered from the attitude of “what’s the point?” Why keep on living? Why try to achieve anything? Why do anything at all? You’re just going to die anyway. This attitude conflicts with my severe fear of death and is just an overall unpleasant and depressing attitude to have. Every time I’d try to do something, be it start working out, writing a book, painting a picture, or just trying to enjoy my life, I’d be bombarded of intrusive thoughts of “why are you doing this? Nothing matters, you’re just going to die anyway.”
Well recently, I came up with something that has helped me push these thoughts away. It’s a pretty simple concept, and it may not work for everyone, but it works for me. Whenever I start to think “why try when you’re just going to die?” I replace the thought with “because it’s my job to live.” When I think of living my life as some duty that I have to fulfill, it just helps for some reason. I don’t believe in God or any sort of higher power, but when I pretend that I was put on this earth with the sole point of living, I just feel better about it. I can do my job (live my life) and when it’s over, I’m done and it’s okay.
The attitude of “what’s the point of doing anything when it has an end?” is a stupid, irrational one. With that logic, why go to work? The work day is just going to be over, so why should I even start it? Why start a new video game or a movie or a book when you know it’s just going to end? Because the journey is enjoyable (or necessary, when it comes to work), that’s why.
This might not work for everyone, like I said. But if I don’t think about it too much, it works for me. Living my life is what I was put on this earth to do, and I’m going to do my best at accomplishing it.
Week 4 of c25k. I’d heard that week 4 is brutal, and they weren’t kidding. I couldn’t even finish the workout the way it was designed. It had 2 periods of jogging for 5 minutes, and even at 4mph, I couldn’t maintain it. During the first 5 minute period I had to step on the side of the treadmill to rest for about 30 seconds because I had an excruciating stitch in my side. The second one I had to cut up into like 3 pieces because I kept getting stitches in my sides and my legs were killing me. This is definitely the hardest I’ve worked since I started. I finished the entire 30 minute workout, but I didn’t do it the way it was structured. I’m thinking I’m going to have to repeat week 3 for the rest of the week and try week 4 again next week.
Continue reading Training for a 5k in 11 Weeks: Week 5
Today was day one of week 3 of c25k and it was brutal. First of all, I have some ingrown toenails or something so my toes have been hurting. Secondly, I forgot my headphones and had to go all the way back home to get them because there was no way I was running without music. This workout consisted of the regular walk/run intervals, but this time the run intervals were longer. The runs switched between 1.5 minutes and 3 minutes.
Continue reading Training for a 5k in 11 Weeks: Week 4
Today was day 1 of week 2 of c25k. It consisted of intervals of running for 1.5 minutes and walking for 2 minutes. This workout was actually quite challenging for me for a few reasons. I did my workout before work today, and I did it fasted (meaning I didn’t eat anything before). I basically got out of bed and went straight to the gym. Normally I can workout fasted and be fine, but every once in a while it makes it hard and this was one of those days. I just didn’t have a lot of energy. I was also unpleasantly hot for some reason. I’m usually pretty warm as I workout, but the gym just seemed hotter today and my body was begging for some air conditioning. I must not have been standing under a fan or something.
Continue reading Training for a 5k in 11 Weeks: Week 3